Afraid of My Own Feelings

Sadness is a teacher
As much as I don't want to learn the lesson
Avoid it at all costs
The endless pot
Of despair
Of dependency
I don't know who I am without it. 
Without her. 
Will the sadness end once I let it in?
How much is still in there?
I have no idea
I'm just as afraid of it as I was in the beginning